


Can Anybody Hear Me? (Am I Talking To Myself?)

by ghostlygone



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Character Death, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Son Relationship, Natasha Romanov Dies, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Peter Parker Speaks Russian, Sad, Song Lyrics, not really - Freeform, song!fic, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostlygone/pseuds/ghostlygone
Summary: Running through the parking lotHe chased me and he wouldn't stop(Tag, You're It, Tag, Tag, You're It)Grabbed my hand, pushed me downTook the words right out my mouthOr, Peter tries to deal with Natasha's deathOr, I listened to Tag, Your It and came up with this short sort-of song fic
Relationships: Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	1. Peter Deals With Natasha's Death

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNINGS**  
> Major character death, sadness(?)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title from 'Tag You're It' by Melanie Martinez

_"Let me take you for a joyride_

_I've got some candy for you inside"_

He looked out the window, head resting on his arms, and watched the raindrops fall down the glass. The day reflected how he felt. Sad, grey, depressed. He looked up at his name being called, not even trying to look interested. He had been like this for weeks now, the principal had called in May almost every couple of days, complaining about his lack of interest and the way he refused to reply in English. Since her death, he had refused to speak English, instead speaking Russian. He missed her so much that there was always a physical pain in his chest. And sure, some of that was from Tony's death, but it was mainly hers. She had almost become a mother to him, comforting him whenever he was sad, looking after him, training him, watching out for him. He felt the sadness take over him, consuming him. He hadn't grieved for her yet, almost fooling himself with the lie that she was on another mission. But he had put it off too long. It was welling up in him and he needed to get out of this room, where the walls were to close and there were too many people and there was too much noise.

_Running through the parking lot_

_He chased me and he wouldn't stop_

He ran. He ran and he ran and he ran and he fucking ran because he couldn't stay in there anymore, he needed to breathe, to be free from the walls that had been closing in on him. He ran through the parking lot, through the streets, through the alleys, over the roofs but it stilled followed him. It was chasing him, that feeling, the sadness, and the loss and it wasn't stopping, it wasn't going and he was away from there it should have fucking left but of course it fucking didn't, it had to come with him, it had to stick to him, to stay with him. He 

_Grabbed my hand and pushed me down_

_Took the words right out my mouth_

He fell. He toppled over as if someone had knocked him. He dropped to his knees and let out a breathy laugh, at the sheer monstrosity of feelings that were engulfing him, that were pulling him deeper into its depths and weren't letting him breathe. He was shaking and he could barely think straight and he couldn't see or hear or smell and he was so wet and felt so fucking freezing and he just-

He just collapsed on the top of this weird abandoned building and just screamed. He screamed and could feel drops of water rolling down his face and his eyes were burning and he just couldn't deal with it. With this monster inside him that was screaming and yelling and shouting to be heard and he had denied it for so long that he had just lost the will to fight anymore so he just- didn't. he just stopped trying to hide anything to keep anything inside. He screamed and shouted and knew no one was going to come for him, to see if he was okay, to watch movies and eat ice cream with, to wrap him in blankets and sing Russian lullabies to him. Because the one person who would do that, who could do that, who was the only person allowed to do that was gone, was dead, had sacrificed herself for their family, for their stupid family, for his stupid family. For the good people who were meant to save the people that needed saving, that were meant to look after people. 

_Can anybody hear me when I'm hidden underground?_

He screamed and just sobbed and cried and felt himself just let go of everything but his mum, his Мать, his большой паук and he just existed. Just existed for seconds and minutes and hours and days and months and years and who knows how long. Because he knew no one could hear him. No one was listening. He felt like he was trapped, hidden somewhere no one else could reach.

_Can anybody hear me?_

He was stuck in this box and he couldn't get out. In truth, he didn't really want to get out. Was he really there if nobody noticed him anymore? So he lay there, wishing she had stayed, wishing somebody could hear him.

_Am I talking to myself?_

"I miss you"


	2. When Two Spiders Meet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the two meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Bbblaney77 asked for another chapter, to which I got two ideas, meaning there will be another chapter after this, at some point.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

With May gone to visit her friend in England, Peter was moving into Stark Tower for the couple of months she was away. She wasn't exactly happy about it (the repeated phrases of 'We're not a charity case' and 'I don't want him in danger' had echoed through the apartment for weeks) but she had eventually allowed it when Pepper had shown up and assured her that it was a favour, and she would be there the whole time. And, to be honest, he was pretty terrified.

He had met all the Avengers before, minus the Black Widow, and they were all so...avengery, that Peter wasn't sure how he was going to deal with living in the same building, let alone the same floor for more than a couple of days. Luckily, Tony - he only called him Mr Stark to annoy him - had told him all the Avengers would be away for the first couple of weeks, excluding him, Peter and the Black Widow, although being in charge of a huge company meant Tony was going to be in a lot of meetings until the rest of the Avengers arrived. 

Which honestly made him even more terrified, knowing that if he and Black Widow didn't get on it could make it pretty awkward. Although he could always go down to the Intern levels and wander around down there, he didn’t particularly want to live with someone that didn’t like him, even for just a couple of months.

And yes, his inner fanboy was jumping up and down and screaming while not being able to form a coherent thought, but he was trying - trying as hard as he could, which wasn’t much when it came to fanboying - to push it to the back of his mind. (He was staying at Stark Tower -The Avengers Tower! - until summer! How could anyone not feel excited by that?!)

Staring apprehensively up at the tower, he takes his bags from Happy and lets himself be led to the lift. Once inside the lift, Peter sighs in relief, despite his muscles tensing up the slightest bit more.

"Hi Friday, straight to the top please." He's been to the Avengers living floors once or twice and knows he has a room there, as Spiderman of course, and that the whole three floors are incredibly domestic, what with all the fairy lights and fluffy blankets and bowls of sweets and chocolate everywhere. 

"Of course, Peter. Shall I alert The Boss you are here?"

"Yes please, Fri." He stands there in silence, listening to the noises the lift makes and the parts of conversations he catches on the way past floors. He arrives in less than a minute, the slightly-faster-than-normal speed of the lift not registering in his overflowing brain. He picks his bags up as the doors open and is met with quite an interesting scene.

Natasha Romanov, the Black Widow, Spy and Former Assassin, is spread across the couch, eating popcorn in her pyjamas while watching the newest episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and laughing. Fucking laughing. Peter stares in shock, amazed that this apparently cold-hearted spy is laughing so hard, until she sits up (fast enough that Peter is sure she should have spilt the popcorn, but then again - trained spy) and stares right at him. Immediately, the urge to lay on the ceiling rises up and he's doing all he can to not give in.

"Umm..Hi? I'm Peter Parker."

"Oh."

Peter is pretty sure Natasha Romanov is rarely speechless. They stare at each other for a second, when Tony bursts into the room, shouting something into his phone. They both turn to watch him, and he doesn't seem to notice them. He shouts for a couple of seconds more, before hanging up and throwing his phone into the corner of the room. He looks up, and sees the two spiders staring at him.

"Peter! Thank god you're here! Put your stuff in your room and you can go to the lab. I've set it up but I really need to go to this meeting or Pepper's gonna kill me."

The other two don't move, instead opting to stare at him until he realises the situation they're in. When he - eventually - realises that Peter hasn't moved, he looks between the two.

"Oh, right! Peter, this is Natasha Romanov, Natasha, this is Peter Parker, he'll be staying here for the next couple of months while his Aunt's away. Anyway, gotta go. Bye, Spider Twins!"

He hurries out, leaving the two to stare at each other in shock. Natasha, being the Black Widow, breaks out of the shock first, and asks the one question he expects.

"What did he just call us?"

"Spider Twins." She doesn't look confused, but he can practically hear the gears turning in her brain. It's silent for a second.

"Okay." They stay awkwardly in their positions.

"Do you want me to show you your room?" She sounds hesitant, but Peter supposes it's not everyday she has to look after a kid, even if he is seventeen. He hesitates, not wanting to cause any trouble.

"Um... Sure?"

"Okay." She places the popcorn on the floor, then stands up and walks down the corridor towards all the rooms. 

"You're on this floor with me, Bucky, Wanda and Clint. And, when they do stay, Loki and Captain Marvel." Peter follows nervously, he can't figure out whether she's okay with him or not, and that should scare anyone. They pass a couple of doors, one painted a dark purple, one left white, another red. They come to stop at one with red and blue stripes, opposite one painted black. It's obvious where everyone is, well to him it is, and Peter wonders if Tony thought through the placement of rooms at all. He's pretty sure most the people on this floor like to prank people, and they're all pretty dangerous by themselves, let alone if they all teamed up. She opens the door and lets him walk in first. It's a basic room, with a bed, wardrobe and desk, and very plain. He kinda wants to see everyone else's rooms first, to see what they have done with theirs. 

"I can show you the others' rooms if you want?" It was like she had read his mind. He nodded slightly before placing his bags on the floor and turning round to face her. 

They look at the bedrooms of Hawkeye, The Winter Soldier and Scarlet Witch. Nothing really stands out to him, and soon they're entering Black Widow's room. It's very simple. The walls painted black and everything fit the aesthetic. Nothing personal is out, but a couple of photos of the Avengers hanging on the walls. 

There's a notebook on the desk, filled with small sketches, and a mug of what seems to be hot chocolate next to it. He smiles softly at the room, it fits what he imagines her personality to be like. She closes the door after a couple of seconds, and they stand awkwardly in the hallway. Natasha turns and walks back to the main area, probably to finish watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Peter goes to unpack his bags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not my best work, and I didn’t really know how Nat would respond to looking after Peter, so I just made it a bit awkward. Hopefully the next bit will be longer.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Not a Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter

Hey guys,

Sorry I haven't been updating recently. I've lost a lot of motivation and my mental health isn't too good right now. I'm still trying to write, but I don't think I'll have another chapter up for a while. Thank you to everyone who's been reading this so far, and have a wonderful day/night!

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Мать = Mother  
> большой паук = Big Spider
> 
> EDIT: There will be another part to this, at some point. I just have a lot I need to focus on, things other than my writing.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
